Bank Holiday Fuckday
It’s been an age since I posted on this account but I woke up today feeling awful and needed to get it out.
I feel like I’m always burdening my friends with this sort of thing and that it’s always about the same few issues. I don’t want to bother them with it anymore.
I had the cruelest fucking dream because everything was perfect and then I woke up and it was snatched away.
Even as the dream was happening I could scarcely believe how perfect everything was. It was like my mind was playing out before me. Duh.
David Aaames day.
When I first moved in on my own I thought it was offer me a whole new kind of freedom but i frequently find myself fighting against feelings of loneliness.
Every one I know has their own lives and their own issues to work through and i don’t want my neediness to interfere with their lives.
I think I’m just tired of longing for things that I’ll never have and I know that I am so so so nearly over all that. I sometimes have the odd slip but for the most part I think of all that stuff less and less.
I still worry that I’ll forever compare whatever happens next to what went before and it won’t be able to compete. Suppose I have to let that go.
I’m just having a very dark day where I feel very lonely, very sad and in desperate need of something that I can’t quite place.
Maybe I’ll be back again after another age has passed.